Words and the Subconscious Mind: Jo Chahte Hain Sirf Wo Hi Bolein

We often underestimate the power of the words we speak—especially in our most intimate relationships, like those with our children, our partners, and even ourselves. Yet, words are not merely carriers of information. They are commands to the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind doesn’t understand "don’ts" the way we think it does. It picks up images, feelings, and directions. When we say, "You never listen to me," the subconscious registers "never listen." When we say, "My partner doesn’t care about me," the mind reinforces the experience of being uncared for. That’s why it becomes essential to speak what we want—not what we don’t want.

This is the idea behind "Jo chahte hain sirf wo hi bolein." Speak only what you truly desire to happen. Let’s explore this with real-life examples and how a small shift in words can change the emotional climate of relationships.

1. The Partner Dynamic: From Complaint to Connection

Negative Statement:

“You never listen to me.”

This statement is often used when we feel unheard or ignored. But what does the subconscious hear? “Never listen.” Over time, your partner’s subconscious may begin to act as if this is an unchangeable truth.

Positive Alternative:

“I want you to listen to me more actively and be fully present when we talk.”

This simple change is more than positive thinking. It is directional language—it guides the person (and your own mind) toward what is desired, rather than cementing what's not working.

2. Shifting Emotional Labels

Negative Statement:

“You are so insensitive.”

Besides making the other person defensive, this activates a label in their subconscious: insensitive. Once that label sticks, even small caring behaviors might go unnoticed.

Positive Alternative:

“I would feel so loved if you could be more sensitive and caring toward my feelings.”

Now, you’ve turned an attack into an invitation. You’re describing the behavior you want, which gives the subconscious a clear picture to act on.

3. Parenting with Power: Words Children Internalize

Children are like sponges—not just for information, but for emotion and identity. When you say:

Negative Statement:

“Why are you always lazy?”

You’re programming your child to internalize laziness as a part of their identity.

Positive Alternative:

“I know you can be active and responsible when you try. I believe in you.”

Here, you're reinforcing capability. The child hears what you see in them, which then becomes part of their self-image.

4. Self-Talk: Shaping Our Inner World

Perhaps the most ignored relationship is the one we have with ourselves. And yet, our inner monologue is powerful. If we repeatedly say:

Negative Self-Talk:

“My partner doesn’t care about me.”

We enter a loop of helplessness, sadness, and disconnection.

Constructive Self-Talk:

“How can I invite more love and care into our relationship?”Or“What can I do to make our connection stronger?”

This kind of self-question empowers your subconscious to look for solutions, not sufferings.

5. Framing Feedback Constructively

Imagine you’re giving feedback to your spouse or child:

Instead of:

“You always forget important things!”

Try:“It means a lot to me when you remember small details—it makes me feel special.”

This changes the tone from blame to encouragement and helps the subconscious move toward desired behavior.

6. When Angry, Choose Vision Over Venting

Even in anger or arguments, choosing the language of your vision rather than your frustration can change outcomes.

Example:

Instead of:“You never understand me!”Say:“I really want us to understand each other better. I want to feel close to you.”

Here, instead of adding to the wall, you are opening a door.

7. Building a Language Ritual

How can you put this into daily practice?

• Pause before you speak: Ask, “Is this what I want to see more of?”

• Reframe complaints into requests.

• Affirm qualities you want to strengthen in others and yourself.

• Correct gently but focus more on what you want to build.

  
  

Conclusion: Words Create Worlds

Our relationships are often not broken by big betrayals, but by a thousand small words spoken carelessly over time. Every sentence is either a brick or a crack in the foundation. When we say, "Jo chahte hain sirf wo hi bolein," we are not asking people to lie or suppress frustration—we are inviting them to speak from intention, not irritation.

Train your tongue to tell your dreams, not just your disappointments. Whether you’re speaking to your partner, your child, or your own heart—let your words plant the seeds of what you truly wish to grow.